near to your heart.

I have been thinking a lot about loving you;
how I would like to and how I don’t know how to.
I am overwhelmed with wanting to figure you out,
but I haven’t asked you what you like.
I am concerned with pleasing you,
but I haven’t listened to your own voice tell me how to.

I desire to sit in your presence, but this also makes me
anxious and waiting and
anticipating your arrival, but I am afraid
that you will never arrive.

I have been thinking about sitting in silence with you.
I want to hear your heartbeat and
I want to know what it sounds like when you turn the pages of a book.
I want to be able to hear the birds outside the windows and
the sound of your breathing and the coffee dripping across the room.
I want to know what it sounds like when you have been
sitting for an extended period of time in the same position
and sigh calm and quiet as you shift in your seat.

I want to know what it feels like to be near you and be unlooked at,
each of us comfortable with the space between us without feeling
the need to fill it with words that don’t mean much.

I want to know what it feels like to be a friend, close like a brother, to be
around you and near to you and near to your heart.